"Some newly published research by Hilary Bergsieker, Nicole Shelton, and Jennifer Richeson in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology helps shed light on this issue. The researchers note that the stereotype of whites is that they are prejudiced, intolerant, and callous. When people are threatened that they are going to be seen this way, they step up their efforts to seem likeable. They nod their heads, they make self-deprecating comments, they note areas of agreement, they may smile a little too much. Of course, not everybody does this, but the point is that generally speaking, when whites interact across the racial divide, they are particularly likely to worry about the stereotype of being seen as bigots, so they compensate by trying to be super nice.
This seems like a good strategy. However, on the other side of that racial divide, someone else is dealing with their own painful stereotype: the stereotype of being seen as unintelligent and incompetent. African Americans and Latino/as are all too familiar with this stereotype, which lends credence to the idea that stigmatized minorities have to work twice as hard just to be seen or treated as equals. The implication of this stereotype, according to the researchers, is that one is not as likely to adopt a goal of being likeable as much as a goal of inspiring respect. It makes sense-- if you are worried about being pigeonholed as incompetent, you then focus on signaling your achievements, on being a little more serious, on holding a little bit of a straighter posture.
As it turns out, these divergent goals are especially toxic together during interracial interactions. Think about it: if you are working hard to be liked, and the other person is not cracking a smile and not reciprocating to your overtures, your goals are not being met. Similarly, if you are working hard to be respected, and the other person is instead being smiley and gooey with you, your goals are not being met. In other words, the motive to be liked leads to behaviors that are interpreted as disrespectful, and the motive to be respected leads to behaviors that are interpreted as unfriendly!"
Psychology Today: Racism against whites: What's the problem?
To Be Liked Versus Respected: Divergent Goals in Interracial Interactions
